You're Speaking English?

I recently read the funny email below and am reminded of how much there is to learn for people who speak English as a second language. It's difficult enough when you consider the myriad slang and jargon that is used in workplaces across English speaking countries (I have a hard time following British, Irish and Scottish English over the phone), but the words used below simply defy logic and reason altogether.

When you're talking with someone from another country (or to a child), keep in mind that they are experiencing the same difficulty in understanding you as you are in understanding them. Speak slowly, enunciate and check in frequently to make sure that your words are being understood in the correct context.

Enjoy the play on words below:

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests on various subjects.

12. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

13. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

14. There was a row among the oarsmen in the third row about how to row the boat.

15. They were too close to the door to close it.

16. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

17. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

18. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

19. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

20. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

21. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

22. After a short interruption I was able to resume work on my resume.


If I knew who wrote it, I would most certainly give them credit. The above was sent to me in an email by Mark Lusher of www.omnidant.com.